Naked Airlines

After 9/11, air traffic was grounded , and for a while, it was very quiet around here. Then the planes started flying again. And then, thanks to that idiot who tried to activate a bomb in his shoe, airline travelers had to take their shoes off at security checkpoints. Now that a terror plot to blow up British planes bound for the U.S. was foiled by British Intel, no liquids on a plane (due to some kind of liquid explosive that was supposed to be used).

We’re getting there. Where? Well, simply put: no clothes, no luggage, no nothing on a plane. Just you and your birthday suit. Of course, that’s pretty gross when you think about (for you “Sex and the City” fans, you’ll remember when Charlotte’s hubby (Harry) liked to walk around the house without any clothes. And she freaked when he insisted on sitting on her white couch while reading the paper). Yeah, that kind of “gross.”

But I think we’re headed for some kind of insanely strict form of regulation when traveling on a plane. Maybe something like disposable uniforms that you have dress in before boarding a plane. Nothing too nice, but just something that signals you’re a United Airlines passenger, or whatever. Yes, these uniforms will be branded with a corporate logo and colors, and after awhile, they’ll become collector’s items worn at themed parties and drunken frat fests. But that’s all you wear when you board a plane. Sure, if you have a baby, you can bring a small bag. But even that will supplied by the airline. Gotta have junior’s favorite toy when traveling? Forget about it! The airline will supply cheap toys for kids to play with — and they can keep ’em! And since we’re a disposable culture, the airlines will be pressured into changing the clothes every quarter to entice people to fly. We’ll demand more outrageous uniforms which will engender a new, kitschy kind of fetishism! We’ll develop an ardent brand loyalty and wear our uniforms much like sports fans wear the logo’s of their favorite teams on shirts, hats, and pants. There will be chants, grunts, secret handshakes, gang signs, ringtones, and MySpace accounts to show that you’re not just a Delta customer, but that you’re “Down wit da D!”

Ah, I can just see some Suit in my mind’s eye calling his accounting department and barking “Run the numbers, Dexter! I think we got ourselve a winner here!” 😉

–PK

Next up: Melissa’s Mix Six for the weekend!