Mix Six “You Bought It, Baby!”

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Every now and then there are songs that come down the pike that people just love, love, love. But you know what? The songs are actually kind of stupid. For every powerhouse song by a group like say U2, there’s a Karma Chameleon bolting up the charts. Why these songs are so popular is one of those mysteries that I don’t think we’ll ever solve.

But I don’t want to focus on the 80s. I’ve been doing too much 80s stuff, so I thought I would change it up a bit and look at popular, but ultimately stupid, songs that are current or a few years old.

First up?

Gwen Stefani “Wind It Up” Oh for Christ’s sake, this is just embarrassingly bad. Wait! Is there such a thing as “embarrassingly good?” Probably not. You know, it’s not just the yodeling, but just the whole production. First off, did Gwen lose her way and give in to producers telling her that she needed another “Hollaback Girl?” And secondly…oh, just forget it. I don’t have the energy for this.

Fergie “London Bridge” Is all the swearing in this tune used to cover up the fact that you’re listening to 100% pure grade crap?

Britney Spears “Gimme More” Hey it’s Britney, bitch! Hey, it’s a guy sounding like a frog! Hey, it’s Britney doing her nasal and helium vocals with the requisite arpeggio! Hey, you’re listening to boring, rehashed dung.

Soulja Boy “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” You know this has a shelf life of 2 minutes when the front page of our local paper is putting pictures of how to do the Soulja Boy. Don’t believe me? Just think of bunch o’ suburban moms and dads doing this dance at a football game. Got that image in your mind? No. Okay, just take all the hip people out of this video and think about your parents doing this dance with you:

Pussycat Dolls “Don’t ‘Cha” Don’t ‘cha wish your girlfriend was a cracked out whore like me?

Prince “Guitar” Is this what happens when you join the same religious group as Michael Jackson? Honestly I can’t figure out why Prince thought this was worth releasing. Don’t get me wrong, I love Prince’s music, it’s just that he’s singing about loving a guitar more than a woman. Does he put a wig and some lipstick on the guitar? Does the guitar have a name? Does he take his guitar to dinner first? Does he respect the guitar in the morning?

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